This post is inspired by mystery thriller GONE GIRL by Gillian Flynn. They may not have the perfect marriage, but after Amy goes missing, Nick becomes the number one suspect. Can he discover what happened before it's too late? Join From Left to Write on June 12 as we discuss Gone Girl. As a member, I received a copy of the book not for review purposes but rather for blogging inspiration.
“Why
do people get married?”
“Passion!???”
“No, because we need a witness to our lives. There are a billion people on the planet, what does one life really mean? But in a marriage you’re promising to care about everything, the good things, the bad things, the terrible things, the mundane things, all of it, all the time. Every day, you are saying your life will not go unnoticed, because I will notice it. Your life will not go unwitnessed because I will be your witness.”
“Passion!???”
“No, because we need a witness to our lives. There are a billion people on the planet, what does one life really mean? But in a marriage you’re promising to care about everything, the good things, the bad things, the terrible things, the mundane things, all of it, all the time. Every day, you are saying your life will not go unnoticed, because I will notice it. Your life will not go unwitnessed because I will be your witness.”
Masayuki
Suo (from the movie Shall We Dance)
With the chaos of my childhood behind me (or so I thought), I assumed creation of my own family would
constitute the best part of adulthood.
Nothing prepared me for the reality that the formation of my own family would
be like a blind woman buying art. I doubt I am the first and quite sure I won’t
be the last person to come out of a dysfunctional family who thinks she will
form the perfect family and “do everything right.” In spite of failures and
everyday bumps along the road, I cherish marriage and parenthood as pieces of
life that helped me survive and thrive.
At first blush,
five marriages would indicate I failed at doing “everything right” and that I’m
not good at marriage. Au contraire.
Ok, Ok, I certainly didn’t do “everything right” as planned. But I have had two
great loves and two marriages that satisfied and fulfilled me--one of those
ongoing. Another two husbands who should have remained dear friends not
husbands. Now don’t let me off the hook of responsibility for my role in
constructing the less-than-desirable marriages just because I had no model for how
to craft a stable marriage. Marriage number three, a monumental disaster in
judgment also taught me valuable lessons. I discovered more about myself from
each marriage, perhaps lessons my parents should have taught me. I grasped more
about myself in the good marriages but I also digested a few morsels from the
bad. With time, therapy and additional self-understanding I have forgiven
myself for the mistakes. I now embrace the marriages as part of the journey to
find myself, know myself and esteem myself. Understanding as relates to men in
general did not come easily for me. I didn’t have what psychologists call a
“daddy hole,” the emotional lack of relationship with your father, I had a
Daddy Crater and I learned to fill that crater in unhealthy ways.
